Ever said this to your self?. . .
“I’ve spent years working on this issue. I thought I’d already healed this!”
People have said to me:
• I’ve TAPPED until my acupuncture points were raw.
• I’ve MEDITATED.
• I’ve sat in SILENCE for 10 days straight without a word to anyone.
• I’ve spent YEARS in therapy!
• I’ve FORGIVEN.
• I’ve PRAYED. And PRAYED.
• I’ve VISUALIZED.
• I’ve been to a sweat lodge.
• I thought I was OVER this issue!
Why is this problem back again, LaRue?!
You have no idea how many times people have asked me that question. Do you relate? Know of someone who does?
If so, I have an answer for you and it may not be what you think!
Many people are SO HARD on themselves when a problem or pattern, that they’ve worked so hard to heal, comes back again. A better understanding of how resolving issues and life-patterns actually work can mitigate unnecessary suffering.
My intention for writing this article is to erase the self-recrimination and guilt that comes up for people because they feel that they didn’t get-it or the problem wouldn’t have come up again. If that’s you, I hope this serves you!
The inherent problem is that we take a very linear approach of “I’ve been there, done that and checked off the box”. But growth doesn’t work linearly, or even logically.
The next time a familiar pattern or problem shows up in your life, I want you to…
BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!
Byron Katie used to say to me, “You can’t push your evolution, LaRue”. I didn’t like that at all. I was always in a hurry. I wanted to be where I wasn’t, metaphorically speaking, but I needed to GROW into my evolution. And self-compassion is essential to start with, otherwise you could get lost down the never-ending road of something’s-wrong-with-me.
DISPELL ANY FALSE BELIEFS OF
WHY THE PROBLEM OR PATTERN HAS RETURNED:
• The problem HAS NOT come back…because there’s something wrong with you. You are not truly flawed in any way, even if you think you are.
• It hasn’t come back…as some form of punishment. You’re not guilty of anything!
• It isn’t back…because you failed to learn the lesson or made no progress the last time. At some level, there’s always some learning.
You’ve probably been on your personal growth journey for a while. You’re not green-behind-the-ears. You’ve walked the path and done the hard work. You’ve learned a lot of life lessons and have applied what you’ve learned from this pattern.
So, why is this issue back AGAIN? And, why NOW?
With calendars and clocks, it’s easy to think that life is linear. I’m inviting you to consider another possibility.
Think of life as a spiral that is expanding wider as it evolves upward. Imagine that you start at the bottom of the spiral on your life journey.
When you move up to the next ring of the spiral, you may come upon the same pattern that you experienced a few rings down, but this time, you have evolved enough to address the pattern or issue from a higher perspective. You now have experience and wisdom that you didn’t have before. You’ve grown through it, at least to some extent.
You see, it took incremental growth to reach a new level where the issue was not as intense and unconscious as before, even if it’s still there. So the upward spiral represents ever-decreasing intensities of the issue. As you go up, the magnitude of the issue goes down. Inch by inch, it’s a cinch! And it’s just not gone until it’s gone. It’s a process because ingrained conditioning of patterns, habits and beliefs can take time to dissolve (just as they took time to form). From here, you now have a greater level of awareness to receive the NEXT LEVEL of healing and gifts because you now have more experience, as well as more mental, emotional and spiritual maturity than you did before.
Think of it this way. You could comprehend things in Elementary School that you simply couldn’t understand in Kindergarten. You could comprehend things in High School that were over your head in Junior High, and so forth. And it’s the same in Life School. It’s incremental growth and the compound effect happening over time.
So the Next Time You Say, “I THOUGHT I WAS OVER THIS”, Remind Yourself That:
• Self-recrimination and making yourself wrong will ensure that you stay stuck right where you are. It’s time for some self-compassion.
• You healed it from the level of awareness you had at the time, and you are now going to heal from a higher perspective. Please take a moment to stop and be grateful for how much you’ve healed so far.
• Nothing is wrong with you! You are exactly where you need to be. Just because it’s happening again doesn’t mean you haven’t made great inroads on the issue already, and won’t continue to make inroads. It’s NOT any indication of your intelligence or ability.
• Create the willingness to dive into this pattern again, for it has something else to teach you and a gift to give you. Just give it some more polish! After all, it won’t go away by resisting it, denying it, avoiding it or wishing it away. (I can’t tell you how many times I have put my head in the sand not wanting to face reality, yet every time I finally faced something head on, it was never as scary as I imagined it would be!)
• Everything is happening FOR you instead of against you (try on this perspective), so light-heartedly ask the universe to reveal the higher reason for its return to your life. Then detach from the answer. Go about your business. The answer will come in the right way on the perfect day. And then you’ll go from there. Next level up accomplished!
In summary, keep in mind that in life, using the metaphor of the upward spiral, you are going to circle back around to things you thought were over, and there may still be some level of emotional charge to them, but it will be increasingly less and less over time if you work through them.
Realize that, instead of denying it, the more you can work through it again the more you can decrease the emotional charge, through awareness and various other techniques. And stay fluid with it as it’s occurring- don’t freeze it in time by judging and resisting it.
Was this INSIGHT helpful? Do you have a metaphor other than the spiral that works for you? Please share below so that way we can learn from one another.
I’d love to know how this INSIGHT impacted you, and I love reading and responding to your comments below. It lights me up!
- Need help with your spiritual growth?
- Feel as though you’re repeating the same ‘ole problem or pattern?
My dear friend Mark Youngblood has a great book coming out in just days to help you!
LOL, I had this very pattern happen to me today! I ran into a pattern of upset when people hold themselves out as spiritual but are behaving in very ego-centered ways that actual inhibit the spiritual progress of the people who they are supposed to be serving. I dealt with this pattern years ago but it showed up again today. When I looked into, it was different this time — a different aspect of the same pattern, and now was the time to heal it. That’s why it came up. Thank you for this LaRue!
Mark, you are master at looking within and transforming patterns. I like how you languaged your experience when you looked into it- a different aspect of the same pattern. Excellent!
Great article LaRue this is my understanding of patterns returning also. Life is and as a spiral. Thank you:)
Thanks for posting, Susan. I didn’t know how many people actually used the spiral model! Cool that you do too!
Thank you LaRue for opening my eyes yet again. I see how hard I am on myself when these patterns/behaviors pop up and now I can appreciate how quickly I recover from them. My ego mind likes to critique hard core but it’s voice keeps becoming quieter and easier to ignore the higher I ascend the spiral.
Love you LaRue!
It’s so true. The ego voice become quieter and easier to ignore the father you ascend the spiral. Love you too Liz!
LaRue, What a great article, chock full of wisdom and insight:) Always a great reminder for myself and clients… Thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Deb!
Thank you LaRue! This message arrives with the best timing for me. This morning I was feeling guilty about a recurring pattern. You are right, it keeps coming with lower intensity. I am so grateful for your beautiful work enriching lives.
Fantastic! I love how things arrive just when they need too! Much love!
Thank you LaRue, I too came to the image of the spiral, although instead of an upward spiral, I imagine it spiraling within. I used to say to myself “repeatedly”, “How is it I’ve come full circle”, as I was of the same mindset of “I want it all done Now”…. Finally my understanding has deepened and I now say I’ve come full spiral, knowing it is taking me deeper within to receive the wisdom this “old friend”/pattern has to make me aware of. So now when I can, I welcome the pattern and simply say “what’s the gift of your visit?” Then go about my day, when the realization is received, I say thank you old friend, you can go now. Not always easy but always welcomed and received. Nice to “meet you” here. Thank you <3
Debbie I love the “Spiraling within” model. I too look for the gifts in the lessons or patterns. Thanks for your post!
A very concise and straight forward informative article. Often we need reminders such as this to keep us both focused and support the realization that we are not on this path alone. Thank you. For me the work of Byron Katie helps keep me grounded. What I have found to work for me as well is to allow her work to bring me to a place of re-alignment and then I flush this realignment knowledge in the flow of The Four Agreements.
It reminds me of my quest to be impeccable with my word.
It reminds me to not take things personally.
It reminds me to not make assumptions, concerning both myself and others.
It reminds me that I am committed to always do my best.
This allows me to reexamine the fact that in each moment on this spiral of life I am committed to these truths. In the moment of the life experience in the past I was doing my best. In the moment of now I am doing my best. My best continues to grow as I experience the spiral of life and the growth to which I am committed.
The combination of these two works serves to continually support my total efforts to evolve into the spiritual “Be”-ing of love.
Either It Comes From Love or It Doesn’t.
Allow love to be the essence of your Be-ing and bathe all of your life in the energy of Love.
Such is the connectivity of all things.
Thank you, Stan. Such wisdom you wrote!
Thank you LaRue! I appreciate the spiral metaphor and seeing how I’ve learned the same thing differently as I’ve matured emotionally, physically, etc. And asking why is this coming up for me again/now? What’s the message for me? Very helpful.
I’m delighted that you found it helpful, Tara!
I loved your words of “polishing” the issue, but with the understanding you have better tools for the job this go around. I’ve also never seen the spiral– it helped me visually put things into a different perspective! Thank you for sharing this message, as always, it’s right on time. 🙂
So glad it was helpful, Camille!
That was great LaRue. All lessons are holograms within the bigger hologram that we are. So as we spiral up thru growth platforms we see the hologram from a different angle. Sometimes they feel like that irritating dump truck you just Keep seeing on the highway. Just step back…put some distance between you and observe so you don’t end up getting sprayed with the dust and gravel fall out. Eventually it won’t disturb you anymore because you know how you want to respond to the situation and then it won’t appear. Love you.
Well said, Ashely! I love the dumptruck metaphor.